Yes, go ahead and blink at that headline, but it's true: Charlie Kaufman ("Being John Malkovich," "Adaptation," "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," and the upcoming and thoroughly weird-sounding "Frank or Francis") will write and direct a new HBO series, to star the ever-wonderful Catherine Keener. The half-hour comedy, which does not appear to have a title yet, is described as "an exploration of one day in a woman's life and how the events leading up to it can affect, or not, the reality in which she lives." I can see how that would be kind of Kaufmanesque. The project is "fast-tracked," which I guess means we'll see it before too long, but no date has been announced.

Speaking of HBO and female-centered comedies, anyone else watching "Veep"? I love the idea of it (Julia Louis-Dreyfus! The director/writer of "In the Loop"! Bungling staffers!) and I'm sticking with it for now, but I keep wanting it to be funnier than it is. I suspect it works better for people familiar with the D.C. political scene; maybe there are some in-jokes that I'm not getting. Anyone a fan?

Here it is -- a brand-new teaser for "Skyfall" (opening in November), featuring a moody Daniel Craig, a silent Judi Dench, a word association game (?) and a line of coffins. Hello, Bond. Happy 50th birthday!

Well, that felt like a Christmas present in May, didn't it? How many of us have been waiting for a scene in which Don and Joan, the two mysterious glamour-pusses of SCDP, sit in a warmly lit bar, with sentimental holiday music swirling around them, and drunkenly flirt with each other? I didn't know I was waiting for that exact scene, but clearly I was; I rewatched the show on its second broadcast two hours later, just to see that scene again. Like "The Suitcase," last season's marvelous episode that showed us the relationship of Don and Peggy, this scene was all about chemistry -- and about friendship. Don and Joan clearly adore each other -- watch how Christina Hendricks gazes at him, even when he's not looking -- and understand each other, and their interaction at the car dealership was an interesting mirror of Don's husband-and-wife ad pitches with Megan. (Loved Joan's smooth, perfectly honest answer to how many children they have: " Altogether four.") Horrified that her imperfect personal life has invaded her perfect world at the office (where she's always, always in control), Joan needed to feel admired again; Don, always at ease in a bar next to a beautiful woman, knew just what to say. (And what to send -- and write -- the next day.) What do you think might have happened if she'd said yes to that dance? And did those flowers signal just friendship, or a spark of something more? Unlike Harry (more on that in a minute), Joan is all about self-control -- she knows how disastrous an affair with Don could be. (Remember Allison?) But I wonder if Matthew Weiner's playing with us, or if this twosome is going to play out a little more. I know what I'm hoping -- and I know that I saw more actorly chemistry between Jon Hamm and Christina Hendricks than in an entire season between Hamm and Jessica Pare. "Good night, sweetheart."

Whether it was afterglow from the Joan interlude (in which he quoted a line from a blast-from-the-past, Bobbi), the thrill of driving "the most beautiful car ever made," or just residue energy from yet another fight with Megan, Don seemed unusually revved up at the meeting; determined, for the first time this season, to roll up his sleeves and win an account through long hours and hard work. (Jaguar = Joan. Maybe? Both redheads.) And standing nearby, miserably clenching his teeth, was Lane, who seems intent on digging his own grave at SCDP. Pursued by the British taxman to the tune of 8,000 pounds, Lane convinced a (surprisingly shady-looking) banker to advance the company's line of credit, then snuck into Joan's office and wrote himself a check. (Enough to buy, we now know, a speedy Jag, with plenty of change.) Surely it'll be discovered soon? An interesting twist, though it seemed to come out of nowhere. I hope this isn't a speedy way for Jared Harris to exit the show; he brings a needed astringency.

Speaking of blasts from the pasts, who else hooted when Paul Kinsey returned as a Hare Krishna in a tattered yellow turtleneck? (And who else was convinced, for much of the show, that Lakmi was played by the same actress who played Midge? She wasn't, though.) Interesting subplot for Harry, who behaved like a weasel ("So this is completely allowed"?) before behaving like, surprisingly, a real friend. Harry's mostly been a punch line this season, so it was nice to see him emerge with a story, even though it felt self-contained; I doubt we'll see Kinsey again.

Overall, a very enjoyable episode, full of things getting thrown (spaghetti, model airplanes, Pete's ego), fantasy couplings (you know who I mean), weird office sex (ditto), surprise revelations (did we already know that Roger knew about Joan's baby? Or did that happen offscreen?) and, in the end, some surprisingly positive energy. In the words of Joan's chosen song at the bar (which gave this episode its title), may their New Year's dreams come true.

And what did you think?

Don and Joan, picture-perfect. "The only sin she's committed is being familiar." (Photo by Jordin Althaus; courtesy of AMC)

I was just going to ignore the new megabestseller "50 Shades of Grey," hoping that it would just gather up its whips and go away quietly, but I fear it deserves comment here because a) it was originally written as a sexy "Twilight" spinoff, with the characters named Edward and Bella, thus making it surely the most lucrative piece of fan fiction ever conceived, and b) it was the cause of an insanely competitive bidding war for movie rights earlier this spring, won by Focus Features in partnership with Universal. So yes, there'll be a movie, but braver souls than I will have to read the book and tell us who should play who. Such as Ellen Degeneres:

I don't know about you, but this having-to-wait-almost-a-year-for-more-'Downton-Abbey' thing is getting me down. I need a Dowager Countess in my life, not to mention gloves, hats, butlers, upstairs/downstairs romance, and mail at the breakfast table. Nonetheless, I shall wait, as decorously as possible, but in the meantime I'm keeping an eye on that cast. What are they up to?

-- Dan Stevens, who plays swoony good fellow Matthew Crawley, will co-star opposite Freida Pinto in "The Catastrophist," a love story set in the '60s Congo. He's also filmed "Summer in February," a love story co-starring Emily Browning and set in the "Downton" prewar time period, and will star on Broadway this fall in "The Heiress," based on the Henry James novel, alongside Jessica Chastain and David Strathairn.

-- Michelle Dockery, who plays that uppity minx Lady Mary, will appear in this fall's star-studded new film version of "Anna Karenina," as Princess Myagkaya. She'll also sing on an album, to be released later this year, alongside co-star Elizabeth McGovern.

-- McGovern, whose Lady Cora makes perfect sense to us now that we know her mother was Shirley MacLaine, performs with her band Sadie and the Hotheads (no, I am not making this up). She's also in the British rom-com "Cheerful Weather for the Wedding," which recently had its world premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival.

-- Jessica Brown Findlay, who plays the lovely Lady Sybil, will star in "The Winter's Tale," an adaptation of Mark Helprin's 1983 novel to be released by Warner Bros. and said to co-star Russell Crowe and Will Smith.

-- Maggie Smith and Penelope Wilton, those dueling frenemies (Violet, the Dowager Countess of Granthan, and Cousin Isobel Crawley), can both be currently seen enduring the discomforts of India in "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel." Wilton also appears on the British TV series "North by Northhamptonshire," and Dame Maggie stars with Michael Gambon and Billy Connolly in "Quartet," directed by Dustin Hoffman and recently picked up for U.S. release by The Weinstein Company.

(By the way, I caught up with the season closer of "Smash" last night, and I think this show has missed a great opportunity: Why not just have Ellis play Marilyn? Next season? Please?)

(Spoiler alert: If you want to see "Bernie" with no idea of its subject matter, read no further. But do note that I knew all of this before seeing "Bernie," and it didn't interfere with my enjoyment of the film at all.)

Richard Linklater's dark comedy "Bernie," opening here this weekend, stars Jack Black and Shirley MacLaine and is based on a true story: A mild-mannered funeral director beloved in his small Texas town shot and killed an elderly woman, with whom he'd had a close friendship for several years. The story gets stranger from there, and if you watch the movie you'll wonder how much of it is embellishment. People don't really behave like this, do they? According to journalist Joe Rhodes, whose Aunt Marge was the elderly woman in question -- yes, they do. In a fascinating piece in the New York Times magazine several weeks ago, he says that the movie pretty much got it right:

There are little things in "Bernie" that aren't exactly true, bits of dialogue, a changed name here and there. But the big things, the weirdest things, the things you'd assume would have to be made up, happened exactly as the movie says they did. The trial lawyers really did wear Stetsons and cowboy boots and really were named Danny Buck Davidson and Scrappy Holmes. Daddy Sam's barbecue and bail bonds, just a few blocks from the courthouse in Carthage (population: 6,700), really does have a sign that says, "You Kill It, I'll Cook It!" And they really did find my Aunt Marge on top of the flounder and under the Marie Callender's chicken potpies, wrapped in a Lands' End sheet. They had to wait two days to do the autopsy. It took her that long to thaw.

Do read the whole story if you've got time today. And the movie's good too.

Regular visitors to P & P know that I'm an avid reader, and I'm always interested in how a book gets transformed on its way to the screen . . . but this week comes a book-turned-movie that I just can't bring myself to read cover-to-cover. "What to Expect When You're Expecting," a how-to guide to pregnancy (not how to get there -- though quite possibly that's covered -- but how to navigate the nine months), is a megabestseller that's spawned, to judge from my visit to the Barnes & Noble childcare section yesterday, a gazillion lookalike books with titles like "What To Expect When There Are Way Too Many Pregnancy Books To Choose From And They're All Scary." (It's possible that I made that title up.) Anyway, being as I am not now nor have ever been an expectant mother, I have not read this book, though I've seen it in friends' homes and spent a few minutes flipping through it in the bookstore last night. Yikes. (Let's just say that there's a lot about pregnancy and birth that's strictly on a need-to-know basis.) I have no idea whatsoever how somebody looked at this book and said, "Hey! This should be a movie about a bunch of really blonde pregnant women!," but clearly somebody did. I saw the movie last night and it's funny how the book sort of plays a silent supporting role, lounging around in the background like an ever-present houseguest who nobody acknowledges.

Odd, isn't it, that "What To Expect When You're Expecting" opens in the same week as "Battleship," a movie inspired by a low-tech board game that involves such scintillating dialogue as "B-7." "Hit." ? And to think of all those books out there with actual plots and characters (I'm reading a good one this week: "The Art of Fielding"), going unadapted. Oh well.

You have to hand it to Matthew Weiner: He timed an episode called "Dark Shadows," in which Megan and an actress friend (I didn't catch her name; did you?) discuss an audition for a new "scary" soap opera ("Dark Shadows" did, indeed, premiere in 1966), for the same week as the "Dark Shadows" movie. Nice synergy, Matthew! How about a cameo from Johnny Depp next time?

In any case, this episode wasn't so much about things that go bump in the night as about things that shine green in the daytime: i.e. jealousy. Betty, who I almost felt sorry for in this episode until she did something lousy to Sally, was jealous of Megan; on a visit to the Draper penthouse to pick up the kids, she caught a glimpse of the slender, lovely Mrs. Don Draper changing clothes, and later saw a brief, affectionate note Don had left for Megan. (Seeing Betty, who's lost some weight on a new diet program -- Weight Watchers, still in its infancy in the mid'60s -- but is still far heavier than usual, sadly gazing at herself in the hallway mirror before entering Don's apartment, briefly put me on her side. But not for long.) Don was jealous of Michael Ginsberg, who's got that effortless knack for a catchphrase that's reminiscent of . . . hmm, young Don himself. Unlike Betty, who channeled her frustration with Don and Megan by upsetting Sally (who later expertly flung it back in her mother's face, showing that she's learning quite a lot from both of her parents), Don directed war right at the person he envied: Ginsberg himself. Don declined to pitch the younger man's ideas to the client (he left his sketches, deliberately, in a taxi), and later coolly lied to him, "I don't think about you at all." The gentleman doth protest too much.

Meanwhile, Roger's envious of Jane's attraction to a client's son; so much so that he promptly seduced his unhappy soon-to-be-ex wife. ("Already?" said Bert Cooper, upon hearing of Roger's upcoming divorce.) Peggy's jealous of the attention Ginsberg is getting, smiling like a Cheshire cat when she hears that Don's idea was the one accepted. Pete's upset because he spent a lot of time being flattered by a New York Times reporter, only to be left out of the subsequent story about "hip" ("hep," says Bert -- ha!) ad agencies. And Stan unexpectedly revealed himself as a fan of Percy Bysshe Shelley . . . or at least as the only one in the office who's read the entire text of "Ozymandias." (Which had nothing to do with jealously, but as a former English major, I like to note such things.)

And I continue to be frustrated with this season, just a bit: not because I want this show to race along like a rollercoaster (that's not what "Mad Men" is, or ever will be; the occasional sawed-off foot notwithstanding), but because Season 5 seems to be emphasizing, to me, the wrong stories. Is anyone out there really interested in Betty and Henry's marriage? Hasn't the Betty-as-bad-mother plotline already played out? Doesn't it seem like Peggy's storylines this season are exactly as they've been before? How can this show give perhaps the most dramatic life change of any character this season to Joan -- who bravely kicked out her no-good husband back on April 9, thus becoming a single working mother -- and then give her virtually no screen time for five whole episodes? Likewise, why did Lane punch out Pete, kiss Joan -- and then seemingly vanish into thin air? (There's something wrong when Baby Gene -- modelling the latest in 1960s toddler fashion -- gets more screen time than Lane.) Don't get me wrong; I'm still thoroughly enjoying the show, but things seem a bit off-balance to me. You?

(And why does Roger carry around so much cash? What would be the equivalent today of walking around with $200 in your pocket in 1966? Wouldn't he be broke by now, what with two ex-wives and numerous SCDP employees on the take? Funny running gag, though.)

The present and former Mrs. Drapers, having an uneasy meeting. Love Gene's blue coat! (Photo by Michael Yarish; courtesy of AMC.)