Guess it's not over until the fat, little girlfriend sings

Texas Tech 66, Kansas State 14.

Kansas State 62, Texas A&M 14.

Texas A&M 52, Texas Tech 30.

What?

"We talked about not listening to our fat, little girlfriends. We said we're not going to compare [Kansas State] scores," Tech football coach Mike Leach fumed to the Austin American-Statesman after his team — a 21 ½-point favorite — somehow got throttled by A&M on Saturday. "Well, ha, ha, ha. Hee, hee, hee.

"I'd like to have a dollar for every time somebody said how many points we're going to score. It's all a bunch of crap. We got what we deserved ... If it was easy, I'd be coaching the Swedish bikini team."

The Natural

Too bad Bengals diva Chad Ochocinco, what with his own iPhone app and Twitter network, wasn't born, say, 85 years earlier.

He's so ham radio.

Commish for a day

Some radical suggestions to improve sports:

Boxing: An in-match scoreboard — you know, like other sports, just so fans know who's actually winning.

MLB: Whenever a game lags behind a 3-hour pace, it's a speed-up inning — two strikes and you're out.

NFL: Bonus time. Get a third top-five draft pick in a five-year period, and your team gets a new owner, too!

Swing and a miss

Those postgame interviews with new Cardinals hitting coach Mark McGwire ought to be riveting.

Q: So, what sort of plate adjustments did Rick Ankiel make tonight?

A: I'm not here to talk about the past.

It's a shootin' iron, officer

Two teenagers in Riviera Beach, Fla., face burglary and weapons charges, West Palm Beach's WPTV reported, after police nabbed them getting off a transit bus carrying golf bags stuffed with 13 rifles and shotguns.

Which certainly gives "What did you shoot?" a whole new meaning.

Don't Beat Yourself Dept.

Richie Incognito, the Rams' penalty-prone lineman, is out this week with a foot injury.

Adding further insult, the NFL is investigating reports he did it blindsiding himself after the whistle.

Quoth the mavens

• Steve Rosenbloom of ChicagoSports.com, after Bengals QB Carson Palmer completed 20 of 24 passes for 233 yards and five TDs in a 45-10 rout: "When do the Bears use the 'cover' part of the Cover-2 defense?"

• NBC's Conan O'Brien, after a presidential golf outing included a female adviser for the first time: "Or as Fox News reported it, 'Obama plays a round with another woman.' "

• CBS's David Letterman, on the inevitable World Series mayors' bet: "If the Yankees win, they get a Philly cheesesteak. If the Phillies win, they get a dead Mob snitch."

• Ipswich Town soccer manager Roy Keane, to the London Sun, on his Tractor Boys' 0-2-5 record: "I pray all the time, but obviously the man upstairs is busy at the moment."

Just kicking it around

After signing with the Broncos — his 11th NFL team in 16 seasons — punter Mitch Berger's résumé includes at least one team now represented in each of the league's eight divisions: the NFC East, Central, South and West, and the AFC East, Central, North and West.

Now that is what you call directional kicking.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com