Turns out more than Ducks' uniforms are scary

The most eye-popping sight on Halloween this year? It had to be Count Duckula driving a Trojan hearse into the ground.

"So you think you gave out the good stuff at your house?" wrote Bill Plaschke of the L.A. Times, after Saturday's 47-20 stunner in Eugene. "You should have seen what was happening at USC's house.

"On a chilly, misty Halloween night, Oregon loudly knocked on the gaudy door dressed in green and black and bold.

"The Trojans opened up, took one look and meekly handed them their season."

Octoberpest

The most memorable performance with a bat on Halloween was turned in by:

a) Jayson Werth, Phillies

b) Alex Rodriguez, Yankees

c) Manu Ginobili, Spurs

Putt For Dough Dept.

A Connecticut judge has ordered CBS sportscaster Jim Nantz, the TV voice of the Masters since 1988, must pay his ex-wife $916,000 a year in alimony and child support.

Or as it's known in golf circles, a huge divot in his green.

Nyuk 1, nyuk 2 ...

Florida linebacker Brandon Spikes has been suspended for the first half of Saturday's game against Vanderbilt for trying to gouge the eyes of a Georgia opponent last week.

Don't know what this does for his Butkus Award chances, but Spikes is suddenly atop the Moe Howard watch list.

Bucks and pucks

"100 million," wrote Bruce Penton of the Brandon (Manitoba) Wheat City Journal, is:

"a) Estimated annual earnings, in U.S. dollars, of Tiger Woods on and off the golf course in 2009.

"b) Suggested potential loss, in Canadian dollars, of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

"c) The ranking number of Jim Balsillie, on the NHL's list of owners it might consider for a franchise."

Dewey defeats Yankees

"The Philadelphia Inquirer apologized to readers for running an ad Monday congratulating the Phillies on winning back-to-back World Series titles," wrote Elliott Harris of the Chicago Sun-Times. "Well, you sure don't see Chicago newspapers making mistakes like that."

Talking the talk

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on the 27-year-old Florida man who needed six years to build a record 6 ½-foot, 4 ½-ton ball made of rubber bands: "And here's the best part, girls: He's single."

• Richard Oliver of the San Antonio Express-News, on the resumption of the Eagles-Cowboys rivalry Sunday in Philadelphia: "Oddsmakers have placed hatred as a 7-point favorite."

• Len Berman of LenBermanSports.com, on reports that Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez commissioned two paintings of himself as a centaur: "Just call him Neigh-Rod."

• Fox NFL analyst Jimmy Johnson, on last Sunday's Woes Bowl between the 0-7 Rams and the 1-5 Lions: "The greatest thing is it's a skim-milk game — it's only available in 2 percent of the country."

Hoofda

Q: What's the one thing you should never, never say to a guy who commissioned two paintings of himself as a centaur?

A: Break a leg, Alex.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com